


Jump In

by anditwasallpink



Series: Let Yourself Go [1]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 15:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12111933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anditwasallpink/pseuds/anditwasallpink
Summary: Enjolras can tell something is wrong as soon as he wakes up.  Its three o'clock in the morning on a Friday and his phone is ringing.  His heart feels like its falling down into his stomach, trying to beat its way out.Or, Grantaire becomes a dad.





	Jump In

Enjolras can tell something is wrong as soon as he wakes up. Its three o'clock in the morning on a Friday and his phone is ringing. His heart feels like its falling down into his stomach, trying to beat its way out. Hands shaking, he answers the phone with a "'Lo?"

The other end is silent for a while, but Enjolras can tell who it is. 

"R? What's going on?"

"Apollo, I screwed up." Grantaire's voice is trembling, cracking on the word Apollo. 

"Where are you?"

"At your door." Enjolras quickly gets out of bed and runs through his apartment to get to the door, hurridly unlocking it and throwing it open. Grantaire's sitting on the floor, back leaning on the wall across the apartment hall. His head is inbetween his legs, hands in his hair, tugging harshly on the curls peaking out of his beanie. Enjolras can tell he's been sitting there for a while. 

Crouching down beside him, he curls his hands around Grantaire's and pulls gently on them. Enjolras can smell alcohol and hear his ragged breathing. Grantaire lets his hands go limp and fall to his sides. 

"Lets go inside, okay?" It takes a couple tries, but eventually Grantaire is steady enough to get up. His curls hang in front of his eyes, but Enjolras can see the splotchy red marks and tear tracks on his cheeks. 

Enjolras leads Grantaire to his couch and then sits in the chair beside him. Neither of them say anything for a while. The longer he waits, the more Enjolras wants to pull his own hair out. He's worried and his heart is still trying to escape. 

Finally, Grantaire says, "I got a call earlier today from someone I don't even remember. Said her name was Dalinda and expected me to remember her. She was all upset, saying that she didn't want to have to do this, but she couldn't afford not to and she wasn't going to kill it. I was so confused and then I asked her what was going on and she says, 'Grantaire, I'm pregnant.'" 

Enjolras feels like he's going to throw up. Grantaire's crying and Enjolras wants to reach out and wipe his tears, but he doesn't. He stays planted into the seat.

Grantaire takes a deep breath and then continues. "We met for lunch and as soon as she walked in the door I remembered her. She was in Paris on vacation with some of her friends the first time we met. I was so stupid, but we were drunk and I couldn't get you out of my head." Enjolras flinches at that. "She lives in London, but she knew we were going to have to talk in person, so she flew to Paris yesterday. I don't know what to do, Enjolras."

Enjolras doesn't know what to do either. 

"She's keeping it?" 

Grantaire nods. His head is back inbetween his knees. Enjolras would normally yell at him for putting his shoes on the couch.

Enjolras opens his mouth to say something, he isn't sure what, but hopes whatever comes out comforts Grantaire. Grantaire cuts him off before he can though, "I really just want to go to sleep."

"The guest room is open, go ahead." Enjolras watches Grantaire get up, turn into the guest room, and shut the door.

///

Enjolras gives Grantaire until two in the afternoon the next day before he goes to the guest room and knocks on the door. Grantaire's been in the room since the night before and Enjolras is so worried he feels sick. 

Grantaire opens the door a little, but then walks back to the bed and buries himself under the covers. Enjolras stands awkwardly in the same spot, not sure what to do. 

"You should probably eat something," He says. He wants to kick himself, its a lame thing to say and Enjolras is pretty sure he wouldn't have much of an appetite if he had just found out he got someone pregnant. 

The sheets move and then Grantaire pops his head out. His eyes are glassy and red rimmed. There's a cut on his nose and a bruise on his neck. "Can you just...can you come here?"

Enjolras isn't going to deny him that, so he walks over to the side of the bed Grantaire isn't laying on, pulls up the covers, and crawls under. The bedsheets smell like alcohol, sweat, and morning, but Enjolras can smell the scent that is undeniably Grantaire, a mix of cedar and smoke that Enjolras wants to bottle and use as his own cologne. He isn't sure if he should wrap himself around Grantaire like he's seen Joly, Bossuet, and Bahorel do. He decides against it, but does reach up and smooth down some of Grantaire's bed hair. 

"I won't be the dad that just abandons his kid. I don't want that." Grantaire says the words with half his mouth smushed into the pillow, trying to keep his morning breath from reaching Enjolras. 

"She lives in London, though. How would you make that work? Visit when you can? Go there for holidays and birthdays?" Enjolras speaks softly, barely over a whisper. He doesn't want to ruin this moment. Something in the air feels delicate. 

"I don't know. I could do that." There's an unspoken "but" in the air that makes Enjolras nervous.

"But?"

"But then I miss most of my kid growing up and they still live without a father most of the time."

An irrational part of Enjolras wants to yell that this shouldn't be happening, that it isn't fair. He wants to convince Grantaire that the baby isn't his responsibilty, but he keeps his mouth shut instead.

"I know that I can't be sure if the baby is even mine yet, but I just have this gut feeling. I remember how hurried we were and I just know. God. fuck, how could I be so stupid? It's so basic. You wear a condom when you have sex. I know this. I don't wear one once and I get a girl pregnant." He says the last sentence with his head fully turned into the pillow.

Enjolras wants so bad to touch Grantaire in some way, comfort him the way he's seen their other friends do, but he can't move his hands accordingly. His limbs won't listen to him and his brain refuses to think of something to say. There is just a mantra of, "nonotthis," preventing him from being of any use. 

Grantaire turns his head and looks at Enjolras, brows furrowed, "Did you skip your classes today?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to leave. I wouldn't have been able to focus anyway." Grantaire looks guilty so Enjolras quickly adds, "Don't. This is where I need to be right now."

They lay there in silence for a long time. Enjolras watches Grantaire fidget and stare at the ceiling. Its awkward, air tense and heavy, but Enjolras can't force himself to get up and leave. 

"I don't know how to tell everyone else," Grantaire admits, "I wish someone would tell me what to fucking do." 

"I can invite everyone over and you can tell them here? I'll stay right beside you." He doesn't know if actually staying beside Grantaire would reassure him, but he offers it anyways. Selfishly, there is a feeling inside him that wants Grantaire close, to protect and comfort him. 

"I don't know. I guess that works." Grantaire makes a half-hearted attempt at shrugging. He's still staring at the ceiling.

Enjolras pulls his phone out of the single pocket on his sweatpants. He looks at his lock screen for a moment. Its a picture of him with all of his friends. Combeferre and Courfeyrac are curled around each other and Jehan is looking towards the side. Enjolras is hanging onto Feuilly, who has an arm wrapped around Marius. Bahorel is there too, Gavroche on his shoulders. Grantaire is looking up at Gavroche, smile wide.

"Why are you staring at your phone like that?" Grantaire interupts his trance, finally looking away from the ceiling and at Enjolras. 

Enjolras smiles at him, "Looking at this picture. I remember we were trying to get a picture where we all were looking at the camera, and I think there is one, but this one was my favorite, so I made it my lock screen." He shows Grantaire the phone and Grantaire softly smiles at it. He hands the phone back wordlessly, but the hard lines on his face have softened a little bit. Enjolras wants to run his fingertips over them until they're completly at ease.

He texts the group chat so he has something to do with his fingers.

enjolras: My house tonight.

Immediently, his phone starts vibrating with responses.

bahorel: what time u thinkin?

jollllllly: 6:45? feuilly gets off of work at 6:15 today. that gives him time to get here

bossman: i second jolllly

fey: i think most other ppl don't memorize their friends schedules

witchy witch: i think its sweet

enjolras: Okay, so everyone will be here around 6:45. See you then. 

jollllllly: i don't like that tone.

bossman: i repeat, i second jolllly

witchy witch: 6:45 needs to hurry

///

They end up falling asleep together. Enjolras wakes up before Grantaire and the first thing he notices is that he curled around the other man in his sleep. He tries to move away, but Grantaire has his hand gripping his waist, keeping him locked in place. Enjolras can feel his phone digging into his hip, so he reaches to grab it. The movement stirs Grantaire. He jerks away from Enjolras, eyes wide, "Sorry."

"It's fine. It's a little after five. Why don't you take a shower and use one of the spare toothbrushes, you know where they are, and then help me get the food ready for tonight?" He misses Grantaire's arm wrapped around him, wants to move it back and line himself up along Grantaire. Instead, he gets up and goes to the kitchen. He reaches for the recipe box Bahorel made him for Christmas and starts leafing through the index cards with Bahorel's messy cursive on them. He pulls out the recipes for baked garlic parmesan potato wedges and Thai curry vegetable soup. They can eat the potato wedges while the soup cooks. 

He gets a call from his mom as he's chopping the potatoes. She doesn't wait for him to say anything, she starts talking as soon as he answers the call. "Enjolras, I have a bad feeling. What's wrong?"

How well his mom knows him, even when she's across the ocean in California, used to freak him out. He couldn't get away with anything as a kid. But right now, all he wants is to tell someone what's going on, to figure out his thoughts, so he blurts out everything and she listens. She doesn't say anything, even when he says, "And I don't know what's going on with me. He's upset and all I can think about is how I want to do everything to make him okay. I want to take it all from him. Maman, I would do anything." 

It isn't until the words start slowing down that he realizes his eyes are watery. "Maman, what do I do?"

She stays silent a moment later, then says, "You are going to be there for him through all of this. You are going to realize this isn't yours to fix, but you can help him through it. Respect what he chooses to do, but don't let him make any mistakes. Have him take a paternity test as soon as the kid is born. And Enjolras, you need to think about those feelings. Is this how you would feel for any of your other friends?"

He knows the answer to that, but doesn't want to say it aloud. "It's going to be okay, Enjolras. Je t'aime."

"Je t'aime." They say their goodbyes after he reassures her that he's eating and sleeping fine. Grantaire comes in as he says goodbye for the eleventh and final time. 

"Maman says hi," Enjolras says. He's got one of Enjolras's baggy shirts on and his dirty jeans. "I keep telling you to leave spare pants here. Everyone else has spare clothes in the guest room." 

"I don't have that many pairs of pants, Apollo. What's for dinner?" He leans on the kitchen island. Enjolras has to keep his eyes focused on the cloves of garlic to prevent him from staring at where the shirt is hanging off his chest.

"Thai curry vegetable soup. I figured I would make potato wedges, too. That way there would be something for everyone to snack on when they got here and throughout." 

"That's a good idea. I'll finish the potato wedges and you can make the soup." 

It feels so domestic Enjolras could cry. Enjolras sneaks looks at Grantaire. He moves around Enjolras's kitchen with ease and feels his heart melting. Its irrational, Enjolras knows. Grantaire's been in his apartment several times before, but it still makes his heart flutter. 

Combeferre, Courfeyrac, and Marius get to the apartment first. Courfeyrac actually gasps when they walk in and find Enjolras and Grantaire in the kitchen, slightly swaying to Lou Monte. Enjolras can see that Combeferre is focused on the shirt Grantaire is wearing. Marius is blushing for some reason. Grantaire just glances at them and then goes back to pulling the potato wedges out of the oven. Enjolras chooses to ignore their reation and says, "Potato wedges just need to cool off and then you can snack on them. How was your day?"

All three of them start talking about what they did during the day. Courfeyrac cleaned the house and then went for a run. Combeferre had classes until three and spent the rest of the time in the library. Marius had lunch with Cosette. By the time they run out of things to say, Joly and Bossuet arrive. Grantaire puts the wedges in front of them and they start snacking. Cosette arrives a little later, and Feuilly soon follows. Jehan and Bahorel don't arrive until the wedges are halfway gone and Enjolras has started pouring the soup into bowls for everyone and Grantaire has made drinks. 

They eat on the couches, chairs, and floor, the television playing The Amazing Spider-Man. No one is really paying attention, mostly speaking over each other and laughing. Bossuet almost spilled the soup on the floor from laughing too hard, but Jehan quickly rights him. 

Grantaire isn't as active in the conversation as he normally would be. Bahorel keeps glancing at Grantaire and Feuilly has started to notice. Combeferre waits until everyone stops laughing from a joke Jehan tells and then says, "Did you just miss us or is there something you need to talk about?" 

Enjolras freezes. Grantaire clears his throat and says, "Actually, I needed to tell you guys something." His voice is shaky, but no one says anything. "I, um, found out last night that I'm going to be a dad."

Everyone is silent for a long moment. Everyone is looking at Grantaire, who refuses to meet anyone's eyes. 

Finally Bahorel says, "I call being godfather." Feuilly elbows him, but Grantaire smiles. 

"What are you going to do?" Jehan's voice is soft and tentive. 

"I'm not sure. She wants to keep the baby and I'm not going to abandon the kid. I want to be around for them, so I'm not sure. I'll try to convince her to move to Paris, I guess. It probably won't work. She's a french teacher there." His voice sounds resigned. Enjolras wants to push Marius away from inbetween them and pull Grantaire's head into his lap, rub his fingers through the black curls until Grantaire falls asleep. 

"You're not thinking of moving to London, are you?" Jehan says it and when Grantaire doesn't respond his face falls. "You can't do that, R."

"I had a little bit of time with my parents. Then they died and I was alone. I missed papa so much. He was my best friend. We would dance in the living room together all the time. Maman would go out to get groceries and come back to find me trying to twrill papa around. I want that for my kid." His eyes are watery, but he looks like his mind is made up. Enjolras can see Jehan crying, can see Marius looking at Grantaire with understanding. 

"I really wish my dad had been around. I know he loved me, but I wish he had fought to see me more." Enjolras wants to be mad at Marius for saying that and yell at him until he admits that its completely different. 

"You're going to get a paternity test, right? As soon as the baby is born?" 

"Absolutley, Jehan."

The conversation drifts off and everyone turns their head back to the movie. Bahorel falls asleep with his back pressed against the couch, head between Grantaire's legs. Enjolras watches the movie play out through Grantaire's facial features. He flinches when Spider-Man takes a hit from The Lizard and frowns when Captain Stacy gets hurt. Enjolras thinks back to what his maman said. He isn't sure when it stopped being that Grantaire made him want to rip his hair out every time he opened his mouth to when Grantaire became the one Enjolras wanted to hold hands with, to see daily, and to take to dinner. Enjolras thinks about him more than he thinks about anyone else and that scares him. He's dated before, a guy named D'Arcy with brown frizzy hair and tattoos scattered all about his body, and another named Hamilton with bright green eyes. He didn't love any of them though, didn't really think about them until they were right in front of him. They were kind, but there was something missing in both of them and eventually he would tell them that. D'Arcy didn't know anything about politics and Hamilton didn't like to talk politics. Grantaire knows the ins and outs of everything and will argue it with Enjolras until he's too tripped up and exhuasted to continue and then Grantaire will smile and say, "Believe what you want to believe, Apollo." He play devil's advocate until Enjolras has had his whole speech ripped to shreds and he'll smirk while he does it. He interrupts Enjolras, but never anyone else. 

Enjolras can see sweat dripping down Grantaire's face. He's twitching and his leg is bouncing up and down, but he's careful not to disturb Bahorel. 

Courfeyrac notices and gets out of the chair he's sitting on and whispers in Grantaire's ear. He hears Grantaire respond, "Guest room, in my coat pocket."

Enjolras realizes then what's going on. Marius is bent with his elbows on his knees, head resting on the palms of his hands. This allows Enjolras to twist his body and whisper, "Should have said something. I would have gotten it for you."

Grantaire smiles at Courfeyrac when he comes back, takes a drink from his flask, and then whispers an apology. 

Enjolras can hear the end credits rolling. Jehan calls out, "I call the guest room. I'll sleep with Grantaire."

"Actually, I think I'm going to head home. I'll talk to you guys later, okay?" Grantaire gets up, somehow able to manuever around Bahorel, who is openly snoring now. He hugs everyone, except Enjolras. 

"I'll walk you out of the apartment complex." Enjolras isn't ready to see him leave, thinks about begging him to stay. Grantaire nods.

They don't talk while they walk. Grantaire turns towards Enjolras when they get outside. He bows his head and traces the cracks in the sidewalk while he says, "Thank you for opening the door last night. I'm sorry I woke you up."

Enjolras doesn't know why he does it, but he grabs Grantaire's chin and lifts it up. Grantaire is looking at him, shocked and terrified and vulnerable. "I'm always here for you, R. I'd do it again if I needed to."

They stay there like that for a moment, until Grantaire crumbles and pushes himself into Enjolras' space. Enjolras wraps his arms around Grantaire's waist while he rests his head on Enjolras' shoulders. Enjolras can smell him everywhere, welcomes it. He takes deep breaths through his nose just so he can smell the mix of sweat and cedar. The scent of alcohol is there, as is the smoke, but its not as rich as it usually is. Grantaire's curls are so soft and they tickle his jaw. 

"It's going to be okay," he whispers into Grantaire's curls, "You're going to be fine. Going to make it through this. You're strong and brave and lovely. You're going to make a great dad."

///

Grantaire takes on another job a couple of weeks afterwards. He works in a sunglasses shop on weekends and Fridays. He doesn't tell anyone and Enjolras only finds out after he walks past the shop on his way to school and sees Grantaire through the glass. 

He hasn't be able to sleep well since Grantaire told him he was going to be a dad, so he'd gotten up in the morning and decided to just go ahead to class, maybe sit down and eat breakfast somewhere. He checks his watch when he passes Grantaire, realizes that he's over an hour early, and turns around and walks into the shop. Grantaire grins from his place at the counter.

"You're our first customer of the day, Apollo."

"Not a god. When did you start working here?" He's close to Grantaire, if he lifted up on his toes he could reach over the counter and kiss him. 

"Last week. Figured I'm going to need extra money for the baby."

"Did you tell Eponine about the baby?" Eponine lives with Grantaire along with her two siblings. They became best friends long before Feuilly, Joly, and Bossuet were even around. 

"Yeah." He doesn't expand and Enjolras doesn't push. "Do you want some glasses?"

"No, already have some." He points to the ones on top of his head. "Just wanted to see you."

Grantaire's face softens, but then he looks confused. He's about to open his mouth, but then the bell over the door rings, announcing someone's walked in. Grantaire goes to the customer and Enjolras can hear him tell Grantaire the kind of sunglasses he is looking for. Enjolras doesn't stick around for them to finish.

///

Grantaire keeps coming to the Les Amis meetings, but he doesn't stick around to drink like he used to. Once the meeting is over, he says his goodbyes, and he heads out, very pointedly not looking at the bar when he walks past.

Enjolras hopes it means he's trying to quit.

///

Grantaire stops smoking. He goes cold turkey and everyone celebrates. There's beer and wine and Grantaire most certainly hasn't stopped drinking. He drinks so much he throws up, right on Enjolras's bathroom floor. Enjolras pushes the hair out of his eyes when he starts crying and lets Grantaire curl into him. 

Courfeyrac cleans the puke as a silent apology for suggesting the party.

///

Dalinda is five months pregnant when Enjolras finds out Grantaire's been buying baby items. 

r: do u think i should buy the baby a new crib or see if there r secondhand stores with some

ferre: Secondhand store. Shake it to make sure it is sturdy and don't buy any with stains.

enjolras: You're buying a crib?

ferre: The baby needs to sleep somewhere, Enjolras.

fey: enj, babies aren't robots

enjolras: ha ha

Enjolras can't explain the sinking feeling he gets in the pit of his stomach. Everything all of a sudden feels so much more real.

///

Dalinda comes to a Les Amis meeting when she's six months pregnant. She's pretty, Enjolras gives her that. Her dark hair hangs just off her shoulders, the same shoulders Grantaire has an arm around. Enjolras asks Combeferre to run the meeting, even though its his turn. Enjolras sits beside Bahorel and Feuilly and refuses to look at Grantaire. 

Grantaire introduces her to everyone when Combeferre is finished. She smiles and shakes everyone's hands and tells Combeferre that his words were moving. When she gets to Enjolras, her smile drops a little and he pretends he doesn't notice it. 

"I'm Dalinda, nice to meet you." Her brown eyes say different.

"Enjolras, its wonderful to finally meet you. I'm glad you could make it to a meeting." He feels like part of him is being ripped and he's having to fight to say the words through clenched teeth. Grantaire is frowning down at the floor.

They leave and Enjolras has to sit down. Jehan comes behind his chair and rubs his shoulders. They pretend like they both aren't crying.

///

Grantaire sends everyone a picture of a flat in London one month later. 

r: i think i might buy this

Enjolras throws up, turns off his phone, and doesn't go to the rest of his classes.

///

Grantaire moves to London five weeks before Dalinda's due date. Everyone goes with him to the airport and they all cry and make a scene. Enjolras feels numb and Joly is gripping his hand so tightly it hurts. Bossuet's tripped over three people's suitcases because he can't see through his own tears. Eponine is there with her siblings. Gavroche keeps hitting Grantaire and telling him not to leave, Enjolras hopes he listens. Courfeyrac and Feuilly are both holding onto Combeferre and Bahorel keeps glancing up at the ceiling.

Enjolras can't breathe, can't think, can't move. He's stuck as he watches Grantaire say goodbye to everyone, doesn't move when Grantaire turns to him, doesn't say anything when Grantaire's face crumbles before he hugs Enjolras tight. He returns the hug, begging him wordlessly not to go. They don't break apart until they have to. Enjolras watches as Grantaire hurries towards his flight and Enjolras falls to the ground when he can no longer see Grantaire. Everyone follows him down and Joly wraps himself tightly around Enjolras. He thinks that's the only thing that keeps him together.

///

Grantaire goes radio silent. He lets everyone know he arrived safely when he first gets to his apartment and then no one hears from him until five and a half weeks later, when he sends everyone a picture of him with the baby. 

r: Idella Marie Grantaire. Weighing in at 6.95 pounds and 17.8 inches. I love her.

Enjolras cries, right there in his kitchen, leaning over the island. 

///

Grantaire calls Enjolras later that night. Enjolras thinks about not answering the phone when it starts vibrating. His voice is raspy from crying and he's got a migraine. Something tells him to answer it, though. He nearly starts crying again when he hears Grantaire breathe out, "Hello, Apollo." 

"Hey, R." Enjolras is just as quiet. He thinks he hears Grantaire cooing softly. "Are you holding the baby?"

"Yeah. God, Enjolras, I wish you could see her. She looks just like her mother, but her name is Idella. Idella Grantaire."

"You named her after your mother." 

"Yeah. I've always wanted to do that, you know. Dalinda's mom is named Marie, but she's still alive, so she let her first name be my maman's."

"Your mom would be so proud of you, R." Enjolras knows it. Grantaire tells stories about his family from before the wreck that killed his parents. His mother was loving, filled with so much compassion and joy. 

"I hope so. Do you think you could come here sometime? Come see her? I want everyone to meet her."

Enjolras doesn't want to. He wants to see Grantaire, but he wants him here, in Paris. He doesn't want to see Grantaire in London.

"Yeah," he says anways, "I'll try for next weekend. Maybe bring some of the others."

"Good. I miss everyone." Grantaire says that and Enjolras thinks of how much he misses Grantaire, feels it in his bones. 

"We miss you. I miss you. My school essays and speeches have gone to shit now that you aren't here to critique them."

Grantaire laughs over the phone. "Yeah, I doubt that."

"No, really, I made my first B on one. I haven't made a B on an essay since you started reading over them."

"Are you complaining about a B, Enjolras?" Enjolras can hear the smile in his voice, wants to trace it with his fingers, fit his mouth over it. 

"Nah, just complaining about how you're not here." Grantaire doesn't respond and Enjolras almost thinks he should take it back, but he doesn't. Won't. He's so tired he wants to be laid bare, let Grantaire know.

"Dalinda and I have been trying to make thing work with us." If Enjolras wasn't lying down, he thinks he would have dropped to his knees. His eyes fill with tears and he knows Grantaire can hear his gasp. "I'm not sure how this is going to go, but I want Idella to have a great life, you know? I want to give her the best." 

"Is this what you want, though? You can't give her the best when you're unhappy." Enjolras doesn't want to hear his response, doesn't want to know if this is actually what he wants, but Grantaire answers the question anyways.

"I don't know. I mean, I don't really want Dalinda, no, but I'm still going to try. It won't hurt. I'm trying to go sober. I was in rehab until Dalinda went into labor. It's going well, I suppose."

Enjolras wants to be happy for him, but he's too numb. He wishes he didn't answer the phone. "That's wonderful, Grantaire. Really, that's great. I'm so happy for you."

Enjolras hears when Idella starts to cry. It picks up volume and Enjolras can hardly hear Grantaire's, "I'll talk to you soon," over her cries.

He hangs up without responding. He's too numb to cry and at this point, he thinks he doesn't have any tears left.

///

Combeferre comes over the next week. Enjolras has had his phone turned off since he last talked to Grantaire. He's pretty sure the thing is bad luck.

Enjolras gave all his friends a key when he first moved in. Combeferre doesn't bother knocking, just opens the door with the key and walks right into Enjolras's bedroom and crawls under the covers with him. They're facing each other and Enjolras knows he smells, hasn't showered in four days. He doesn't remember if he brushed his teeth yesterday, knows he didn't today. 

"When did you fall in love with him?"

Enjolras thinks about it. He doesn't bother denying it, knows that if anyone can see right through him its Combeferre.

"I think the week before he told everyone Dalinda was pregnant, at the meeting. We were arguing, but I remember thinking that he was so beautiful, so wonderful, and so smart." The voice that comes out of his mouth doesn't sound like him, its too deep from not being used in a long time.

Combeferre doesn't say anything, just wrinkles his nose up at Enjolras, "You smell."

Enjolras loves him. He loves his best friend so much.

"Yeah, well, you suck." 

Combeferre pushes Enjolras out of bed, he takes the duvet with him so he lands on a soft sheets instead of the hard floor. Combeferre is laughing and Enjolras can't help but laugh, too. "Go brush your teeth and take a shower, I'll make you food," Combeferre orders and Enjolras listens. 

He sets the shower water close to its highest temperature. It burns him, but it feels good. He soaks in it until it gets too much, slowly adjusting it to just a little bit warmer than where the midline is. The water running down his skin makes him feel normal. He washes his face first, exofilates it like Courfeyrac told him to do. He washes up and then dries off. He puts on clean clothes and doesn't realize what he grabbed subconsciously until he looks in the mirror. It's Grantaire's shirt. He left it the day he told everyone that he got Dalinda pregnant. Enjolras thinks about taking it off, but he doesn't want to at all, so he doesn't, but he does blush when Combeferre looks pointedly at it once he walks into the kitchen, following the smell of roasted chicken and garlic sauce. 

"Didn't realize I was in the shower long enough for you to roast chicken and make pasta."

"You weren't. I didn't roast the chicken, I roasted the garlic and peppers in the sauce. I put the chicken on a skillet and put it on the stove."

Enjolras hums in approval. "Tell me about the others?"

"Everyone's okay. Eponine, Gavroche and Azelma went to visit Grantaire. Jehan's been making a bunch of things he swears will make us happy. Stuff with citrus and flowers. He sent some with Eponine to give to Grantaire and a little flower crown that he made for Idella. If you check the groupchat, you'll see tons of pictures of the baby. Courfeyrac has been going nuts worried about you. He misses Grantaire a lot, too. Misses their parties and dates. He locked himself in the bathroom the first Friday without Grantaire when he realized that they wouldn't be able to go out on their date like they do every Friday. Feuilly won't stop working and him and Bahorel have been fighting about it. Feuilly tried to get another job and Bahorel told him he couldn't, which then prompted a fight about how Bahorel doesn't own Feuilly, with Bahorel yelling that Feuilly is going to run himself to the ground with how much he works. And then I have been managing. I miss you, though. We all live too much in each other's pockets for one of us to move and the other to stop answering. Don't feel guilty though, I get it. The others understand, too."

Enjolras does feel guilty, though. He's not the only one who misses Grantaire and he could have been there.

"No, don't do that, Enjolras. You being as upset as you were, wasn't going to help all of us with missing Grantaire. So just shut your head up."

Enjolras slowly nods, then starts eating. They eat in silence and when Combeferre is done, he brings Enjolras his phone. He must have started charging it when Enjolras took a shower. It's on and the screen is displaying the last message he read of the group chat. 

"Look through them while I'm here." 

Combeferre says to, so Enjolras does. He reads the Idella updates, sees the pictures of Grantaire, Dalinda, Gavroche, and Eponine holding her. Grantaire talks about Dalinda more and more as they go on. The first time he sees his name, Grantaire is the one who brings it up. 

r: has anyone talked to enjolras or is he just ignoring me

fey: no, no one can get a hold of him.

r: why not????

feuilly: ferre says to give him time

r: why does he need time???

witchy witch: misses you, idiot

r: but that doesn't mean explain why no one has heard from him

feuilly: omg grantaire

jollllllly: so guys, i'm going to need t interrupt here. our dear friend bossuet just broke his elbow for the third time

witchy witch: he deserves an award

Enjolras laughs at that. His head is hurting again, so he continues reading the messages as he gets some Advil. It takes a while, but he finally gets through them. He's smiling by the end of it. He misses his friends.

enjolras: Miss you all.

It doesn't take long for them to all start responding.

fey: u ass

r: we've missed u

feuilly: don't do that again

witchy witch: really, don't

joly: i've missed you so much!!!!!!!!

fey: i am aware that its only been a week, thank u v much, but 

bahorel: but we all live up each other's asses

fey: e x a c t l y

enjorlas: Won't happen again. Promise.

///

It takes two weeks for Enjolras to suck it up and call Grantaire. Its awkward. Grantaire keeps hinting at Enjolras' disapperance and Enjolras keeps needing moments to gather himself. Hearing Grantaire's voice is hard. 

They hang up after ten minutes. The silence after hurts, but Enjolras refuses to let himself get into another funk, so he starts working on his homework.

///

Everyone has visited Grantaire in London by the time things are a little bit more okay between them. They don't call each other anymore and Grantaire mentions Dalinda more and more in the groupchat. By know, Grantaire has announced to everyone that him and Dalinda are dating, or at least trying to with a newborn baby. Dalinda's grandmother helps out a lot, it seems. 

His phone vibrates as he's cleaning the kitchen after dinner. Its from Jehan, suprisingly not in the group chat. 

witchy witch: when are you going to vist r in london?

enjolras: I don't know.

witchy witch: well, i want to go this weekend.

enjolras: Okay?

witchy witch: and i want you to come with

enjolras: I don't know about that.

witchy witch: you told him you would

enjolras: I really don't want to see him and Dalinda.

witchy witch: so because he's doing fine with his baby momma you're just going to never see him? hope that they fuck up and then you swoop in and start dating him? god, enjolras, i'm bringing you anti-jealousy spells in a bit.

enjolras: Jehan.

witchy witch: i'll be seeing you soon. start packing your bag. our flight leaves friday.

Enjolras is too stunned to actually move for a while, but then his phone rings again. He looks down and sees its his mom.

"Enjolras, you need to go see him."

"Maman, its going to be so hard."

"When has that ever stopped you from anything?" Enjolras thinks, searching for an answer just to fight back, but he can't, he always fights and never gives up.

"What do I do, maman?"

"Go see him. Let things click into place, cause they will. You've been away from each other for too long."

///

Grantaire is at the airport when Enjolras and Jehan land. Jehan runs to Grantaire, wraps his arms around him, squeeling the whole way. Enjolras picks up his suitcase from where he dropped it and walks over to them. Jehan doesn't let go until Enjolras clears his throat. He's nervous, so fucking nervous it makes him dizzy. He doesn't do well on planes period, he gets too restless, but this fight had been on a whole new level. He was up and walking the whole time.

Looking at Grantaire for the first time in fifteen weeks makes Enjolras feel like he's on another planet. Grantaire looks good, his curls are cut at the sides and he's grown his facial hair out. He looks so good and Enjolras wants to kiss him, wants to hold onto him and not let go. 

He goes into Grantaire's arms, lets Grantaire hold him instead. He realizes that they line up just right. Enjolras can smell him. There's no sweat, smoke, or alcohol on his skin. Just cedar, just Grantaire.

"Missed you so much." Enjolras whispers into Grantaire's neck. Grantaire shivers and if Enjolras had been looking he would have seen the way Grantaire's eyes went hazy before shutting. 

"Missed you too, E."

Enjolras is the first to pull back. It feels too much, like he's intoxicated. Jehan is digging holes into his back with his eyes.

"Where's Idella?" Enjolras hopes she isn't with Dalinda.

"She's with her grandmother. She lives close to here, so we can go pick her up and then you can come see my flat." Grantaire leaves one arm wrapped around Enjolras's waist. Jehan is still staring.

Grantaire's got a car now. He didn't have one back in Paris, had made a flippant comment about liking to walk more than driving when someone asked why. 

Dalinda's grandmother lives ten minutes away from the airport and Grantaire rushes out of the car to get her. Jehan and Enjolras stay in the car.

"Enjolras, you need to be careful."

Enjolras knows this but Grantaire is so inviting and Enjolras can feel the the piece of him that was missing slotting itself back into place now that Grantaire is here. He thinks Jehan would understand that, so he tells him.

"You have to let him try this out with Dalinda. Let him be the one who comes to you, okay? We all know it won't work out with them. He doesn't love her and she's never around. At first I thought it was just when we were coming over, but as Idella gets older, Dalinda comes over to see her less and less. He's worried, but he doesn't say it. Just let things slot together, it'll right itself out."

Grantaire is opening the back doors and putting Idella in her car seat before Enjolras can even process what Jehan is saying. Immediently, Jehan is cooing at the baby. Grantaire looks frantic, but Enjolras doesn't say anything, chalks it up to trying to get the baby in the car.

Enjolras thinks about what Jehan says as Grantaire drives. Dalinda isn't around as much as Enjolras thought?

///

Enjolras falls in love with Idella as soon as he looks at her. She's in Grantaire's arms, smiling up at her father. Enjolras sees Grantaire in her. She's got his facial structure, eyebrows, eyes, and mouth. Enjolras is so in awe of the tiny human. If he wanted to, he could pretend she was theirs. She's got the same skin tone as Enjolras. 

Enjolras can feel his eyes burning. He feels guilty at how he treated her in his head before he met her.

"Let Enjolras hold her," Jehan says. Enjolras jumps. He forgot anyone else existed besides the baby and Grantaire. 

Grantaire's looking at him. There is love written everywhere on his face, in his eyes and his smile. "Do you want to?"

"Yeah." Enjolras doesn't know why he feels the need to whisper, she's not napping, she's awake and looking back and forth between him and Grantaire like she knows what's about to happen.

Grantaire places her in Enjolras's arms and watches. Enjolras leans down to press a kiss onto the top of her head, right above her hairline. She smells like Grantaire and baby. He doesn't realize he's cooing at her until Jehan giggles. He's certain Jehan is recording this moment, but he's ignoring it, in too much of a trance. Grantaire is looking at him and he knows if he was to look up he would see Grantaire giving him that same expression he was giving Idella. He thinks about looking up, but he doesn't, wouldn't be able to not want something that Grantaire can't give right now. 

Idella is looking up at Enjolras, there is a flicker of different emotions on her face: confusion, wonder, and then awe. Enjolras thinks he could hold her forever. 

///

Enjolras can't hold her forever, but he tries. He holds her while her father and Jehan cook, while they all eat, and he even gets to feed Idella her bottle. She naps in his arms repeatedly and Enjolras giggles at how tightly her eyes close and how wide her mouth opens when she yawns. Grantaire keeps looking happily at them and only takes her from Enjolras when she needs to be changed or burped.

"You know, you aren't going to be so in love with her when you can't sleep tonight because she won't stop crying." Grantaire's teasing and Enjolras wants to tease back, but he can't, just lamely says, "Nah, I'll still love her." He can hear his own awe in his voice.

They're on the couch, Grantaire in the middle of him and Jehan. Idella's in Enjolras's lap, arms stretching, and tiny fingers spreading out. 

"She should have been in the crib thirty minutes ago. Its getting late."

"Can I help you put her in?"

"It isn't that hard, Enjolras, but sure."

They get up, leaving Jehan behind. Enjolras is careful not to jostle Idella too much. The crib is in Grantaire's room it looks like. The walls are lined with pictures of all of his friends. Enjolras sees his face repeatedly. 

Enjolras puts her in the crib and Grantaire adjusts her to make her more comfortable. They watch her fall asleep and Enjolras can't escape just how domestic and right this feels. 

When she starts to fall asleep Grantaire whispers, "I got sober for her. I quit smoking for her. I moved to London for her. I did everything I could to be a good dad and then today, I walk into her grandmother's house, and she tells me that Dalinda sent her an email that she was moving to Brooklyn. I couldn't stop thinking on the ride here that I was kind of relieved. I know that's bad, but I felt trapped. I never loved her. I didn't want to be stuck in London. But also, what am I supposed to do now?"

Enjolras wonders why Grantaire would ask him that, but he doesn't mind, he has an answer. He walks around the crib to Grantaire, lining his front up with Grantaire's back, and wrapping his arms around the other man's middle. "Come home. We'll all help you raise her. She'll be spoiled in Paris."

They don't kiss, they just stay like that. There aren't anymore words to be said.

They fall asleep on Grantaire's bed when they get too tired to watch Idella. True to his word, Idella wakes up in the middle of the night, but Enjolras is closer to her than Grantaire, so he pushes him back down when he tries to get up. Enjolras takes her out of the crib and starts rocking her. She quickly yawns and goes back to bed. This time, Enjolras actually gets under the covers when he gets back in Grantaire's bed.

///

Waking up in Grantaire's bed is a little disorienting. Idella and Grantaire aren't in the room, but he can smell bread and vanilla, so he knows they can't be far. He walks out of the room and is a little disappointed to just see Jehan holding Idella. "Where's Grantaire?"

"He went to Dalinda's house. Apparently she left a bunch of milk for Idella before she took off. He bought some breads before he left and said to eat up."

Enjolras pulls off little pieces from a loaf that's in a bag with the label, "Apple Butter Cinnamon Swirl." By the time he's finished it, Grantaire is unlocking his door and lugging a cooler. 

"The cooler is full of milk, but I'm still going to have to start using formula. Are you supposed to wean babies off of breastmilk and into formula milk or?"

Enjolras and Jehan both shrug. "I can call maman, if you want," Enjolras needs to update her anyway.

"Yeah, could you? You don't have to worry about doing it now though, I'd rather you help me put these bottles away." 

Enjolras slides off his chair and to help Grantaire. When Jehan walks away to go brush his teeth, Grantaire grins up at Enjolras. There is this overwheming urge to kiss him that pools in Enjolras's stomach and he thinks Grantaire would let him if he did, so he leans in. Grantaire's lips are soft and taste faintly like blueberries. They're slightly parted, like if Enjolras wanted to, he could open Grantaire's mouth with his tongue and explore, but he doesn't want to right now, wants to just press his lips against Grantaire's and feel.

When Enjolras pulls away, Grantaire makes like he's going to follow his mouth, but stops himself. They're both smiling when Jehan comes back, Idella trying to kick her feet in Jehan's arms. 

Jehan looks back in forth between them and then he starts laughing. Nothing's funny, but Enjolras soon follows and then Grantaire is laughing while Idella squeals. Over Idella, Jehan says, "So, are you moving back to Paris?"

///

Leaving Grantaire hurts. They say goodbye and this time it isn't as much of a scene as it was fifteen weeks ago, but Enjolras still feels like shit. Grantaire tells him that he'll see him soon and Enjolras knows its just two weeks this time, but he still wants to curl underneath Grantaire's arm and stay there. 

As soon as he's home, he calls Grantaire. Grantaire laughs when he answers the phone, but Enjolras can tell he gets it. Idella starts crying, though, and Grantaire has to end the call, promising to call him back. 

He doesn't.

///

Enjolras starts freaking out when Grantaire hasn't called after the third day. Combeferre keep telling him to call Grantaire himself, but Enjolras keeps freezing up, scared that something's changed. What if Dalinda came back? What if Grantaire realized he really didn't want to be with Enjolras?

He doesn't sleep that night and considers skipping class the next day, but Enjolras's phone starts vibrating. He reaches over to grab his phone on the bedside table.

r: hav a good day! b a good listener n class!

Enjolras is smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. Nothing's changed, he shouldn't have worried.

enjolras: I'm always good.

///

They text throughout the remaining days before Grantaire gets home and call at night after Idella's in bed. They talk about mindless things and argue over politics, but Enjolras enjoys every bit of it. He feels like his heart is so full that if he was to open his mouth, it would overflow onto the floor.

///

Everyone is at the train station when Grantaire arrives. There's a lot of screaming, some crying and Gavroche keeps hitting Grantaire. When they're done and Combeferre is holding Idella, Courfeyrac has the cooler bag, and Bahorel is pushing one suitcase, Grantaire walks over to Enjolras. His smile is blinding and all Enjolras can think about is how beautiful this boy - his boy- is. 

They don't kiss hello, Grantaire just takes Enjolras's hand in the one that isn't pushing a suitcase. Enjolras is happy either way.


End file.
